Crispy Beef Water, and Other Food Failures

Ever heard of microwaveable scrambled eggs (they come in a handy on-the-go packet!) or fortune cookies for dogs (“you will meet a dark, handsome shitzu”)? Nah, me either and we won’t be buying them any time soon because these are the products relegated to the Room 101 of food failures.

Apparently the failure rate for new products in the food industry is a whopping 50%.  This proves we’re a tough crowd and that can only be a good thing. I’m all for conscious consumerism.

Microwaveable eggs, and other wonders, never hit the big time. Either because they bombed at the trial period or some savvy exec came to his senses and screamed: “You want to sell people WHAT?!”

But of course the internet remembers….the internet always remembers.

I’ve dug around in the metaphorical empty shelves of food product warehouses and found these beauties for you.

  • Just when you thought soda couldn’t get any more disgusting, wrap your lips around this – Lifesaver Soda. Yep, soda flavoured like the candy. When people became diabetic just looking at it, they removed it from shelves.
  • Clairol a Touch of Yoghurt Shampoo failed to make a splash in 1979. Apparently people just couldn’t get behind the idea of putting food on their hair (a crying shame – avocado, olive oil, beer and vinegar are all great for your hair). Also some people apparently tried to eat it. *facepalm*
  • You know you love your pet when you buy them their own bottled water. Thirsty Dog! and Thirsty Cat! came in flavours such as Crispy Beef and Tangy Fish. I’m pretty sure that would just confuse my dog, he’d end up trying to chew the water.
  • Mixed Vegetable Jello. ’nuff said.
  • Perhaps it was the fact it looked like anti-freeze, perhaps it was the sickly candy flavour. Whatever the reason, Pepsi Blue came and went with barely a murmur. Well done consumers, is all I can say.
  • Filed under “what in the hell were they thinking?” is the case of the breath mints which were deliberately designed to look like crack cocaine. Just say no kids.
  • In a canny marketing ploy, the great minds at Colgate decided to raise the profile of the brand by having people eat a Colgate meal before brushing with Colgate toothpaste. Thus the Colgate TV dinner was born..and then quickly died.

our turn: encountered any food products that you think deserve to die? Would you try any of those on the list? What fortune would your dog get?

This post also featured on The Healthy Home Economist.

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